I am pissed off.
Well, yes, part of it is spring madness - as always, I am one of the chief workers around the house and garden, which is making me - right now - pissed off because my brother is cozying himself in his room, and not helping with anything. I understand he has school and work and such shit, but would it kill him to get out for an hour or two...m or more, and help around!?
Secondly, I am pissed at my parents - I have had it with their 'he/she is at fault', while they try paint themselves in saint's aureola. Latest thing they had a dispute - ahem, disagreement in, was how to plant the trees. Jaysus Christ, can't the two of them get to some compromise like two adult persons? I dread to think what would happen if they were left stranded on some lone island - because either they would get love-love back, or kill each other, what with their 'I-know-better' attitudes.
And they say I am overdramatising! Helloo?
Yuck. Live over twenty years, and sheesh, lookie at the example of the adult wonders I have as a parents. Yeah, they are driving me bonkers, with a capital B as it is.
Got a notice for the operation of cochlear implant - oh, sorry, Didn't tell ya before. Fact is, I am deaf, and the said operation should help me to regain some of my hearing back -. Hopefully enough for me to normally function in the society, because even if I am a student, it's damned weird to tell a person who wishes to hire you that you have some hearing disability. It's even weirder when you are healthy overall, and not understanding a simple speech can automatically debunk some much-needed cookies for getting the cake, if ya get the drift.
I don't know what to think about it. I was prepared for the operation in the autumn last year, that time came and went - without the operation, of course, and now I got the notice the operation should be a go after the 1st May this year. I am pissed because in some way, I am feeling pressed into it - if nothing else, it's because hearing anywhere it's a critical weak point for me in acquiring the job, and ... well, sheesh, I am fairly brutal person power-wise. And dealing with outer part of cochlear implant /sweats/.... Me rough. This frail... to the extent. Hopefully it would be better than I am imaging in my head right now... I am afraid because I don't know what to expect - I know how the operation goes, but the outcome is unpredictable. It could be better, or worse - hopefully it would be better, but I don't know what this better is, and that is making me hesitant, angry and scared. I am confused. I know I should have felt happy,. because there will be zero expenses from my side, as all of it would be paid via insurance (the operation is a very pricey thing, and the cochlear implant is a story for itself /grimaces/), and I am relieved on that subject, but.../shrugs/. Still scared as fuck. What if it won't work? I don't have to lose anything, that's true, but... I don't know. And then... What if it DOES work? I am scared of it working, because I am scared it won't work well enough - it will work, but not up to par. And on the other side, I am scared if it would work perfectly... what then? My whole fucking life would be in an A-grade overhaul and I don't even know where should I begin to work in this case.
/THUNK [Head-meets-desk]/ Fuck it. I am over-complicating the things again. Whatever will be will be, as some old song says, and let's hope for the best, even if it got me in a temporary tizzy.
Oh, and pissed at father. Personal reasons, still a little resentful of the dude, and it would take time before I would solve this Gordian knot, but what the hell, time is all I have. Unless my beloved family gets he into some of their shenanigans.... /growls/
Anyway, Among The Hawks And Doves is under MHB's mercy right now, have to finish an one-shot from Rosario+ Vampire, still having a stare-down with the thing called thesis /growls again/, and having Crimson Sagittarius and Fire And Ice in works.
Meanwhile, some other tidbits from Fate/Stay Night fanfic I am working on... Enjoy!
1) Wish
[What is your wish?]
Four words, so very simple, yet so incredibly important. in any other case, this would have been a simple affair - Master wished, Servant wished, both of them being granted their boons and then separated, never to meet each other again. they had known it to be as such for many years. Yet this time, it was the first time for the Grail to witness so many Masters and Servants in front of it; and all of them curiously unhappy about the proceedings.
2) Ideals
Shirou was future. and yet, he held Lancer's ideals dear, as if they were his own; and truly, if the boy had lived in Cu Chulainn's time, he would have probably became a legend right alongside him. That girl... Rin, was intriguing, but Shirou had something within that attracted Lancer to him like enemy's heart did Gale Bolg. From a pitiful bystander, to a warrior who could stand head to head against Gilgamesh... indeed, his transformation was breathtaking. And the fact that Shirou was completely hopeless with girls amused Lancer to no end.
3) Irony
Tohsaka Rin was an exceptional Magus - yet not ever she, with all of her knowledge, could have predicted the outcome. Everything that had been a guarantee had gone wrong through the duration of that damn War. From that blasted clock, her summoning Archer instead of Saber - an Archer, who, by the way, destroyed a good chunk of her living room upon Summoning, then there was a witness to Archer's duel with Lancer, and damn her soft heart for healing the fool of a classmate who was later revealed - oh irony of all ironies - to be the master of Saber!
It also didn't help that Shirou didn't exactly want to follow the code; he, of all people, had a nerve to propose an alliance to her! and if that hadn't been enough, her Archer had some kind of a grudge against the brat. to think all of it was just a beginning.... She choked back a hysterical laugh. If only her Father could have seen her now.... Pathetic.
4) Miracle
"But we could do.... something! Anything!"
"Drop it, kid. Gae Bolg always aims true." Lancer interjected, his breath heavy with pain. "And I don't blame you," he nodded to Rin. "If nothing else, I would be free from that Kotomine bastard. "
Sitting down slowly, he prepared to trace a rune for fire in the air -
" No!" Shirou growled out, as he straddled the surprised warrior, knocking his hand down. " You can fucking give up on yourself, but I will not! Trace On!"
And then, in his hands within a gentle, golden, white and pale blue glow began manifest a... Scabbard?
Saber choked on air when she felt it.
".. Shirou, you fool." She whispered. Rin eyed her questioningly as she knelt next to Lancer. "What - ?"
"Avalon. He is tracing Avalon -. and by the feel of it, it's genuine. " The Forever King choked out, her green eyes wide.
Rin whirled on the boy. "Shirou! Stop it this instant - it's dangerous! You could die!"
But Shirou didn't hear her. little by little, the glow intensified, and finally it solidified into material world. "Heh. Kid got guts." Lancer chuckled weakly, as his eyes traced the ethereal scabbard with awe.
Shirou pressed the sheath against Lancer's chest, making the blue-clad warrior grunt with pain. " Heal him. Please." He beseeched the Phantasm, and after some breathless moments, when nothing changed, Avalon glowed with a gentle white light and they saw lancer's body relax as his deep red eyes slid shut in bliss.
"You.... I wish... If you could be my Master..." The blue-haired man murmured wistfully, his words a gentle murmur. " Yeah." Shirou muttered absentmindedly, as he was straining to keep Avalon manifested.
Both of the girls yelped as the Summoning circle suddenly flared under the pair's bodies, and lancer's body arched in a momentary agony.
"SHIROU!" Rin roared out, and Saber wished to do the same. then, the Avalon vanished and the boy slumped on Lancer's healed chest, sweaty and panting, clutching to his hand in agony, while Lancer watched the boy as if he were his most precious person in the world.
In a way, he was. Somehow, Shirou had managed to circumvent all and any rules and not only heal Lancer, but actually bid the man to himself as his Servant.
Saber shook her head. That Shirou....generous, lucky, fool.
5) EMIYA
Archer was not happy. And an unhappy Archer meant his opponent had just drawn his death card. Gilgamesh, the so-called King of Heroes had done something very stupid when he had decided to attack one Counter Guardian EMIYA.
Firstly, he had attacked him from behind. The coward. he didn't deservce his title. King of Heroes? Pshaw - King of Cowards, more like. Secondly, he attacked Archer's prey. Well, Archer was a primary target, but still, Shirou and him were somewhat the same, even if not agreeing with each other.
Thirdly, Gilgamesh attached his ally. Shirou had been foolhardy enough to shield Archer - even if it almost killed him. And archer may have done may despicable things, but he never condoned killing his allies. Fourth, and the most damning one, Gilgamesh had attacked an innocent. With a startling clarity, Archer had seen that Shirou was a victim, from the entire beginning - the fire, the duel, everything up until now, Shirou never wanted it. Hell, he had even saved Lancer out of all people - a person who had killed him before! And then, he still fought Archer like foolish child he was. He never wanted anything but to help.... even to Archer.
In his stupidity, , Gilgamesh never did expect that his opponent may have matched him. So he was completely taken aback when the white - haired man snarled out the last words of his aria.
"So as I pray.... UNLIMITED BLADE WORKS!"
6) Rebellion
Lancer was not amused. Rider's Master was a pathetic coward, and treating a girl, even if she was a Servant, like this piece of filth did, severely rankled him. he clearly saw that the girl had now ish to harm him, which made the situation all the more awkward, as he didn't want to kill her, either.
"Hey, you. You seriously want to serve that little douche-bag?" he asked, ignoring the squawk of outrage from the said douche-bag.
The rider paused. " No." She answered slowly. " In fact, heisn't even my Master to begin with."
Lancer blinked. "Right. Want me to help you to get rid of Commanding Seals?"
And the rest, as they say, was history.
7) Bullshit
Gasping with an effort, Archer released the trace. "Holy shit..." He muttered, silver eyes wide at the carnage Lancer had done. "Remind me never to piss him off."
"Noted." Saber agreed shakily. "And seconded."
"... Did you really try to trace Avalon?!" Rin rounded onto her ex-Guardian furiously. "Are you insane?"
Archer grinned weakly. " My ruse worked, didn't it?"
He beamed proudly, making Rin kick him into his shin, much to the others' amusement.
8) Troublesome
Emiya household was, after a long tiome, full and lively again.
"TAIGA!" a male voice roared out. "Get out of my kitchen... NOW!"
"But foooood.....!" A female voice whined childishly. "I am so hungryyy!"
" That still doesn't excuse you from stealing cookies - you've already eaten two thirds of the batch ... A batch, which may I remind you, Should have lasted us for a week!"
"But you can always make new ones," The female voice said hopefully. " And loths and lots of'em!"
"OUT, you freeloader!" The man thundered, making the uninvited guest yelp with fear.
Even if Archer loved cooking, he wasn't exactly happy camper when Taiga swiped majority of cookies. However, he remained the sole person who could intimidate the Tiger to stay away from his beloved kitchen... at least for the time when he was cooking food.
All the other times were, much to Taiga's gluttonous delight and Archer's despair, a free game.
**
"Yo. How it's going?" Lancer entered the dining room-slash-living room. "Good morning, Ao-nii." Sakura smiled at the tall man gently. "Taiga made Sen-nii mad again."
"When she doesn't?" Lancer snorted humorously as he toweeled his blue hair. He was clad in drawstring black pants and tight white sleeveless shirt that clung to his torso enticingly. " What was this time?" he asked, plopping on the floor.
"Cookies." Rider replied, her lips quirking up in a mirth as Lancer's jaw dropped in comical horror.
"Not the cookies!" he whined, his red eyes wide.
"Two thirds." Saber couldn't help herself but needle their resident cookie-whore.
"T - Two thirds?" Lancer wailed with despair. At the girls' solemn nod, he growled and swiftly stood up.
"Right. That. Does. It!" In three graceful loops he was by the door.
"TAIGA!" His bloodthirsty roar made the girls wince.
"You could mess with Lancer, but you didn't mess with three things in his possession - his lance (Taiga wanted to use it as a vaulting pole,), his cookies (Taiga regularly diminished the secret stash of Lancer's favorite food), or, Heavens forbid, Shirou (Despite being overbearing onee-san Taiga had yet to cross that particular border, but that didn't mean she hadn't tried, however,)
And right now, Archer was smirking smugly as he heard Aoshi chase after a frantically apologizing Taiga freeloader-san. Ahhh, blessed peace... and a chance to finish making a breakfast.
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