Spring Madness And F/SN Snippets

I am pissed off.

Well, yes, part of it is   spring madness -  as always, I am one of the  chief workers  around the house  and   garden, which is  making me -  right now -  pissed off because my  brother is   cozying himself in his  room,   and not helping  with anything.   I understand he  has  school and   work and such shit, but would it kill him to get out for an hour or two...m or more, and  help around!?

Secondly,  I am pissed  at my parents -    I have had it  with their  'he/she  is at  fault',   while  they try paint  themselves in saint's aureola.  Latest thing  they had  a dispute  -  ahem,  disagreement in,   was   how to plant the trees.  Jaysus  Christ,    can't the two of them  get to  some compromise  like two adult persons?   I dread to think what would happen if they  were left stranded on some  lone island -   because  either they would get love-love back, or  kill each other, what with their 'I-know-better' attitudes.

And they say I am  overdramatising! Helloo?

Yuck.   Live   over  twenty years, and sheesh, lookie at the example of the adult wonders  I have   as a parents.  Yeah, they  are driving me bonkers,  with a capital B as it is.

Got  a notice  for  the operation of cochlear implant -  oh, sorry,   Didn't tell ya  before.    Fact is,  I am  deaf, and the said  operation  should help me  to regain some of my  hearing back -.   Hopefully  enough for me to normally  function  in the  society, because even if  I  am  a student, it's damned   weird to tell  a person who wishes to hire you  that  you have  some   hearing  disability.     It's even weirder  when  you are healthy overall, and   not understanding   a simple speech can automatically debunk some  much-needed cookies for getting the cake, if  ya get the  drift.

I don't know what to think   about it.  I was prepared for the operation in the  autumn last year,   that  time came and went -  without the operation,  of course,   and now  I got the  notice  the operation should be   a go  after the  1st  May this year.     I am pissed because in some  way,   I am  feeling pressed into it -  if nothing else,  it's because   hearing  anywhere it's  a critical weak point   for me  in acquiring the job, and ... well, sheesh,  I am  fairly  brutal person power-wise.   And dealing with outer part of cochlear implant /sweats/.... Me rough.  This frail...  to the extent.  Hopefully it would be  better than I am imaging in my head right now...  I am afraid because I don't know what to expect -  I know   how the operation goes, but the outcome is unpredictable.    It could be  better, or worse -  hopefully it would be better, but  I don't know  what this better is, and that is making me  hesitant, angry and scared.   I am confused.   I know I   should  have felt  happy,. because  there will be zero expenses  from my side, as   all of it would be paid via insurance (the operation is a  very  pricey thing, and the  cochlear implant is a story for itself /grimaces/), and I am relieved on that  subject, but.../shrugs/.    Still  scared as fuck.   What if  it won't work?   I  don't have to lose anything, that's true, but...  I don't know.    And then... What if  it  DOES  work?   I am scared of it working, because   I am scared it won't work well enough -  it will work, but not up to  par.     And on the other side, I am scared if it   would work perfectly... what then?   My whole fucking life   would  be in an A-grade overhaul and I don't even know where   should I begin to work in this case.

/THUNK [Head-meets-desk]/  Fuck  it.  I am over-complicating the things again.     Whatever will be will be, as some   old song  says, and  let's hope for the best, even if    it got me in a temporary  tizzy.

Oh, and pissed at father.  Personal reasons,  still a little resentful of the dude,   and  it would   take time  before  I would  solve this   Gordian knot, but   what the hell, time is all I have.  Unless  my beloved  family  gets he   into some of their shenanigans.... /growls/

Anyway,   Among The Hawks And Doves   is    under MHB's mercy right now,   have to finish   an one-shot  from Rosario+ Vampire,   still having a stare-down with the  thing called  thesis /growls again/, and  having Crimson Sagittarius and  Fire And Ice in works.  

Meanwhile,  some other  tidbits from Fate/Stay Night  fanfic I am working on... Enjoy!