Graduation Day

So here it is, much expected, dreaded and longed for - the G-day (it makes a person think about G-strings, and it just  as comfortable as one /snarks/).

Thankfully,  there 's no  fuss like it had been  for the prom, but it is still an  annoying piece of duty, not to mention it can eat out a significant  amount of money. Okay,  I will reuse most of my thesis-defense clothes,  but still,  shoes  had cost a pretty penny,  not to mention both hair-styling -  would have had hair-styled it all by my lonesome if the dratted operation wouldn't have demanded a good  chunk of my hair  being sheared off, and  I am still on the wrong foot will all bigger things with makeup. /defeated sigh/. I seriously  need some makeup classes. (Mum is gunning for  manicure and pedicure ones /sweatdrops/. Seriously, hello?)  My  laptop keyboard has ganked, so I am  using my other one and it will take time to  write  smoothly, as I am used to my laptop one, but oh well, I am thankful I had enough of a foresight to at least buy the darned thing. (Would have loved to own  a new laptop by the way, with a much bigger inner drive -  1 TB or more and possibly a SSD to boot, but  that  is still  a work in progress, both on the tech and mine front.)

On the shoes, I am  happy  camper to have some that don't clack on the  floor, don't have high heels and are reasonably comfortable without my  feet  weeping at me in discomfort.   Once, I made a mistake  and bought pretty shoes  for some or other celebration,  and the front part, where the  toes were, was uncomfortably tight.  The salesperson had convinced my mum  that  it  took just a little  walking around to break 'em in.  You know what -   that was a bullshit. I  wore them for the celebration, and then never again.  The next ones, I overgrew, and that was a damned shame, because they were  totally to my taste. And the  walk through the shops was almost an exercise in futility - seriously, if the God had  wanted  that we wear high heels,  he would have made  our feet so,  and I was both horrified and fascinated at the instruments of  possible death and guaranteed torture that innocently parade on the shelves   in the shape of  high-heeled shoes. Noo, nope, thank you very much.  There are few scenes  of martial arts being used in high shoes, and that  for  a reason.  And yeah, I will shamelessly  admit I am not so gifted in the  balance apartment,  but trying to wear high-heeled devices of murder -  feet murder or otherwise,  is just asking for trouble.

Still, managed to  find an unconventional pair of shoes, that have a small heel  and are  interesting and  glory of all glories, they don't make  me  itch to get them  off the minute I get them on my feet.   As I joke,   I didn't buy them -  they adopted me for themselves the moment I got them on my feet.  It was funny that was - I came to shop, grumped around and  I would've gone out in a snit if I hadn't  noticed something glittering on  one of the lower shelves.  Yup, I am sucker for  glittering something if it's tastefully done. At first, I tested them just  for the heck of it,   but then, I pondered -  why  should  the shoes be black, of all things just to go along with the black trousers,  so my mind did a total turnaround and  I decided that I won't follow the conventional wisdom  of having black with black -  would've been cool, but not my style, and I snatched the pair faster than you could say 'sold'.   Of course,  the price was significantly higher than  I wanted it to be, but  they will serve me faithfully for a long time, so  it was a good investment, even if  a bit  pricy one.   So...  totaling the  amount of shoes I have -  and yeah, have to  buy  winter ones sometime,   I own  seven pairs,  four of them trainers, one pair of crocs (clogs),  pair of flip-flops and a pair of  sandals,  the  slippers notwithstanding.   Some would say it's a shamefully  small amount,  however it's an useful one,  and that's all I care about.  I am confused about the girls'  chat about  that  and than model of the shoes -  what should  I care about some or another Loubotini?  Gimme some good book any day. /Sighs/. Women are strange species, that they are. /shakes head./

The sun has appeared, so maybe we will have a modicum of  good weather today, but I am not counting on it.  My headache from yesterday has also disappeared -   seriously,  the  yesterday was stifling like hell, and I am thankful we had a rain  overnight to cool the air down and so on.  For April, the weather is very  flighty still -   we have almost summer-ish  temperatures, and then, it's  could  outta blue.  but so long so good,  it seems it will be good one today.   Still, better bring along an umbrella....



So, there it is... time to prepare for the  G-string -  oops,  I meant graduation.   See y'all later,


11 PM,  so  almost 23.00

Here, back again.  Have mixed feelings -  on one hand, I am relieved I  avoided  any overly nasty topics and on the other hand I am spooked and angry  dad  had  looked into my graduation map. What, first  thing he doesn't  want to go, and  then, he dares to browse in what is mine!?  Hell, man would've be tempted to clock him one around his head.     Shame I ain't a man.... would've probably solved some o the things.  Doesn't help  he is still drinking,  so  we had another  companion to see the graduation ceremony with - don't know whether to be pissed off or disappointed in my father -  I am  leaning toward indifference -  he wasn't here when  I was one of the best,  and he ain't here when it  mattered.  Makes me wonder if I should  ever  invite him to my  wedding if there ever would be one.  /grumbles/.   Anyway, he is one of the reasons I am  wary of men, because at subconscious level,  my brain is trying to  equate all males with him,  in negative light.    I am tempted to say that I am done  with him.  He is still my parent, that is true,  but the one who reared me up,   since diapers till now, is  mum.   But I got used  to him not coming to celebrations of my achievements -  first in the elementary school, in middle school  there was only mum,  and occasionally my brother.  University, he  wasn't much present, except in monetary matters. I am confused on where to place him -  he provided for me, sure, but as a person, he wasn't there much.  He tries, in his own, awkward way, but  his tries are interspersed with my past hobbies -  I painted well, and  he is still onto me  to get into painting sometimes.  Now, I am writing.   I don't have  much to talk with him. But between him drinking and me having my own problems,  there's not much to say.   I am leaning toward indifference, and isn't that sad?

Overall, the day went well. I am tempted to continue the schooling, to reach for the Master level, but on the other hand, I now know where are my borders in regards to this particular  course.   I don't know whether I would have patience for getting through another heap  of exams -   in the end,  ther eare onyl numbers and  some  courses you've successfully done, and  I am not sure I even learned something about anything when I was in a  school.  True, I can draw the business plan,   use programs relevant to my job and  so on and so forth, but I still feel woefully uneducated about a heck-load of things, the things  I can only learn in life.  Probably. No  matter the curriculum, the  only real test is  a live situation.    I am leaning toward writing, because I do this the best and enjoy  it, but I am afraid. What if I fail?  Logically, I know if I fail, then I could always  try again, but the hurt of failure is sometimes bitter to swallow.  Fail nine times, get up ten.  I know  that only too well, what  with the math subjects. /grimaces/.   However, on the other side, I am feeling  as if I am deliberately pressing all the wrong  buttons except the  right one.   I am pressing the wrong button in  a want to conform, to be normal and to have a dependable income.   Steady job  means  good income and I wouldn't want for anything for a long time, drifting through the years, meeting a good person and  marry them and then maybe have kids - very  doubtful maybe,  rear them,  age, and then  die.  Isn't' that how the things usually go?

But on the other side, I could dare myself to go against the mainstream thinking,  to write and to endure on this way.  It's  an unknown path,  uncertain one,  I don't even know if  there would be a  steady income to  cover all my needs and more, and yet...if I succeed, it would be a success that would  exceed my wildest dreams.   If I fail, then  I would have failed, had to  find a low paying job and then begin anew from  something  and  somewhere else.

The road that leads to nowhere
or the road that leads to you. 
 (Enya)

I am afraid to go against my father. It simply  isn't done, and yet, this is my life.  If I accede now,  then I will miss something very important to me - experience,  growth, self-respect,  happiness, feeling of accomplishment - it sometimes irks me that my gift isn't  obvious one, like with numbers or chemicals or something, but instead, I only have a gift with words. Well, yes, I am artisitcally inclined too,  but  still, sometimes I feel that I hold  nothing in my hands.

Nothing worthwhile.  And yet... If I gave it a chance,  it could be something,  I don't know  what exactly,  but something.  A book, a  song a picture... I don't know, but something, I  don't know  whether it would be brilliant, because sometimes I think myself  so very clumsy, like a beginner, and then  I am always happily  surprised when I  read the praise from  my readers, that they enjoyed my works, and  I read them and marvel at them,   reminding  myself that I created them.  That is what drives me to write -   to create, to push the boundaries, to make  the  images in my head real.  To dream alongside the readers.

Scary,  but true. and  I am still here, still trying to fit in, and still being grumpy about not fitting in.  Being ordinary is  becoming exhausting, and only my laziness is   stalling me  from advancing forward.  Laziness and fear, that is. /sour face/  No other  cure than to  kick my ass in gear an constantly convince  myself that  this was the right decision.

Today I went past the house of my deceased  schoolmate, E. She had missed so many chances -  she could've graduated,  have a  boyfriend up  till now,  everything, and  yet, she chose to end her life.  And wasn't that sad?  Yes, you need to be courageous to  end  your life, but even braver to  live it, and yet, not living in accordance with your desires, is dying in small doses.  So, one step after another..../gulps/. 

Wish me luck? /puppy  eyes/

Miffed, pissy and gumpy. Satisfied?

Right now, I am feeling in a tailspin, and  being pretty much miffed about it,  to the point of feeling aggravated  to the n-th degree,  and I really wanna howl  because  of it.  I feel  confined,  having no job and no work -  wait,  work I can find, but job... /grumpy face/.  The  unemployment is getting to me, and with mum biting my head off sometimes,  I am not a happy camper about it.  I want to do something. I NEED to do something before I burst.   Doesn't help there's also that damned SOPA 2014 on the strike, and  we still need some 6.400 signatures to get to the threshold!

Today I looked up the  possible study choices -  I am toying with the thought of picking up my previous study,  or  continuing the recently  finished one,   but   to my disgruntlement, I can't find in myself to get  serious about them, either becasue they  are too hard or  too confusing.   I am leaning on  continuing the  finished study, because it's shorter and I already have a background,  'sides it's near my home.   I am  a little bit wary of picking up the former  study, firstly becasue it's away from home and secondly, I know myself only too well -  not  having liking for  language and it's grammatical nuances.  Bitch, please,  I  can learn, but  I have some notable exceptions -  Old Slavic Language is one of them, because this   language is dead as  dead can be, and  I  so don NOT want to  have my  brains zombfied  for  a year  before  the  exam and so on and so forth.  Gimme French any day, thank you.   And while we are at French, oh glory of all glories,  mum finally did her homework without me!  /relieved sigh/.

 But back to me and my snit. I am feelin' snitty. Now it's a little bit easier, but   in the morning I snapped at my mum when she brought me possible contact for a job -  in my  defense, I was eating at the time, and  she  came in  just in the middle of my chow time. What pissed me off was that  she continued  even if she  saw me  eating.  (true, I was reading alongside, but  that isn't the crime, as far as I know, and I sorely  despise when someone  interrupts my read-chow time.) Back before   the snit, I was pissed off becasue a)  I found a  small mountain of a freshly laundered  clothes to hang,  which is ....  somehow my duty,  and b) the two berks who shall remain nameless for  the sake of democracy,   left their  dirty dishes in the  sink  ... for me to wash. Not a happy morning for me, if I have to  do mundane tasks even before my breakfast. Okay,  laundry I understand, because  we just repaired the washing machine, so the increase is understandable,   but  I am a mite bit pissed off  that  the two don't  wash the dishes they use after  themselves.   Noo, nope,  not in a million years, since  I and mum  got that  unwritten and unspoken agreement that I am an unofficial dishwasher in the house.  Hello? Gawd,  it's tedious,   and I  can't   help but admire her for  the sheer tenacity  of doing this 50+ years, and being grumpy that we still don't have  dishwashing machine to do the deed. if there's a machine which we use for washing the clothes, it boggles my mind that we don't  use  a machine that would wash the dishes and  spare us the pissing around the subject of  dishwashing once and for all. We would spare time, heating up the water -  well,  electricity and  water would be a collateral here, but still,  the  good would probably outweigh the bad. Probably. /skeptic glance/.

Good news -  this month I am absolved from paying the health bills :), so that's a plus.  Still, the sooner I find  a stable job, the better.   That means getting off of my behind, wagging my proverbial tail at prospective  employers and hoping  that I would be interesting enough  for them to employ me. Really, all this cheer is practically killing me /miserable groan/. And am not feeling charitable right now. Right,  shutting up now.

Have to do something productive.

Mia-tastic Day

Well, what do you know,   there are some days when both of us have  a respite from each other.   Today, I led Mia out, let her to  run and   dig her  goles to her heart content -  I  amused myself with thinking  that for  all of her entusiasm,  Mia could definitely   dig a hole to the other side of planet, but alas,  her abilities to find the juicy  mouse or a mole are on a declining side.   However,   digging tired her out.

We also found a spot where  she just threw herself down and   roll, roll, roll, like crazy.  I don't know why, but   it was Rolling Spot, even if I didn't  see anything that would differ that  patch of dried out  grass from  any other.  However, Mia   enjoyed it.  On the  walk back, I don't know, but she behaved as if she had hemorrhoids in her  behind -  sitting , rolling  anything,  just not  going home!  However, her  'beside-walk' improved -   I just had to tire her out enough for her to comply.   Today's  time was half an hour,  or three quarters of an hour -  I am not too clear on that, but okay.

Anything else?   Got  amusing  new concept for story, and   I am grinning at the thought of it.   Right now,  gotta go  read some more,  yesterday was once again  Pack Your Logs Day, and  I only  finished with  sorting it out  today.

Mia was a darling, though  I will have to  get her in the  garage tonight, because the  temperatures outside are, even if  days are  moderately  warm, still chilly.

Tornado Mia turned Brat Dog Mia

Remember Mia? The Tornado Mia?

Yup, that Mia.   This day, she became officially ours, and changed into Brat Dog Mia.

Duration of time spent together: 1 hour and a 10  minutes -  30 minutes in the morning, and then 40 in the afternoon.  

At morning, it was  good, because it was more informal,  nothing to take her attention aside from usual  things, but  the afternoon was a whole different kettle of fish.  First father  instructing me the leash should be slackened -  I  want to see HIM  leading Mia  without  being dragged along at first /growls out, incensed/,   then I  tapped Mia down  for  jumping on me -  all right, she weighs  some 35  kilos, and I am  twice her weight, but  that still doesn't excuse her  from jumping on me.

The work was mostly Mia-centered -  I let her down  to  wild herself out,   and I made a note to talk to Mum about  teaching her  to let go of the things -  I wanted to play fetch with her, but  she is as stubborn as a pitbull on that, and I am so not risking my hands without  a proper know-how on how to teach her to  NOT  chomp on my  fingers  when I take  anything from her mouth.   Fuck, I miss Sani.  He  had plenty energy too, but  he at least was obedient to me /slumps with defeat/.  Then,  walking alongside me -   she  had an unpleasant habit of trying to drag me  everywhere and anywhere, so  I was  teaching her  to  walk nicely beside, or even better, a little  behind me.  pack leader and all that.  It  went better than with the first lesson, but that was about it -  when she was  let off leash, she was  crazier than ever, not listening a whit  to me, and when we came home,  she  inadvertently -  not! -  scared the chickens. Mia the Dumbass  makes appearance. /quadruple  sweatdrop/ Father was angry, and I admit, I should've lead her home on  a least, so   a lesson for next time.   I  intend on ignoring her today and maybe tomorrow.   Even  Mia isn't as cute as to convince me to  forgive her so quickly.  One step forth, three back.  Oh, God, just why don't  the dogs come with some kind of  an user manual? /whines/ Cat-speak, I understand.  Dog  brains...  the next greatest mystery to me,  aside  male  ones.  Sometimes, I wish we could gotten one of the ankle-biter puppies and reared them up.   Because   while Mum seems to get  the Mia Manual, I am hopelessly lost within translations.

Till next time,

Eirenei

The theme for today Who Let The Dogs Out?

Deliberation, Determination and uhh....what was it again?

Somehow, I managed to stumble upon  Rachel Aaron's blog -  about writing.  While she is good,  her writing is interesting, what took me in, was  that she wrote  a manual on how to upend the amont of words written.  I will have to ferret that out,  because if I truly want to  write,  I  have to have a system... though I am still  pondering on the 'verse I will use for my original story.  I have an outline, but   not  an outline  I could base most of the things yet,  but the  premise  looks interesting.   However,   father is  egging me to find a work, and I  din' wanna,  I want to write!   Fuck it all, I am again between Scylla and Charybdis.  Also, my other stories will have to  be kicked into a higher  gear, without me  having a candy-land with the fiction of my favorite authors. /sniffs/. oh, so sad, too bad.  While copyblogging   seemed interesting,   I am not inclined to  get into know' how of it -  thy get me onto a leash and I will rebel. and   copyblogging  is a game  you have to play if you want to  have some goodies. May-be sometime.  But not  right now.

My head is buzzing with ideas, I only have to get the   main characters, scenes and so on operating. /sweatdrops/. I  predict one more college block will be murdered.

PS: Wrote her an email and we'll see  about it.

PPS: Early wake up  awaiting me. /despondent sigh/.  Me no gusta.

Eirenei

Tornado called Mia

Yesterday was an exhausting day -  not only did I sleep only  three and a half hours,  had a  fitting  again (CI fitting),  but  we also brought home the newest member of our little family - Mia.

Mia is  a dog,  she is  a mixture of Labrador and Boxer.  I won't bother with  detailed descriuption, but suffice to say, when Mum  has seen her online,  (February the 14th, ironically,), she  immediatelly fallen in love with the  furball.   If I hadn't  been asleep at the time, she would  undoubtedly woke me up and tell me "I found  her.".

Last year we had to euthanize our German Shepherd dog Sani -  he lived  13 years,  unusually long for his species (usually, they live to 10 years), and  Mum was heartbroken. I admit,   I didn't know how much I missed Sani until  one  furry tornado called Mia practically skeddadled in my day and thus in my life.

She is 1  year old,  energetic and  very, very affectionate.  We will have to build rapport between the two of us still, and  it seems   we will have to teach her that  cats are acceptable family members too /sigh, sweatdropping/, because  Riki had freaked out  when Mia fearlessly advanced at him.  It would have been funny,  because  it proved that the old rivalry between the cats and dogs indeed does exist -  or at least  cats dislike dogs, and dogs are too curious for their own good,   so it was good mum  had her tightly  leashed.  Riki apparently didn't think that  his  sole reign of the house and surrounding domain would be challenged so fast, because  Sani was very humble.  Mia.... well, she isn't.  But  Riki  having his fur standing upward was a sigh to behold,  especially when he is one  orange puffball. I  really wish I  could have  photographed him then.

Riki's sentiments were shared by Dad, because  he wasn't very happy  we got Mia in without his approval, even if  she's schooled and whatnot, as for my brother, I am very curious what would he say. Entire operation was like  guerrilla -  it's happening, but  you don't know it happened until you are  ambushed,  and  Dad dislikes  suchlike ambushes.

Mia was very good  while  drive -  I swear, if I hadn't known better, Sani  behaved as if he  had  a motion sickness, whining and all, but Mia  bore it stoically.  It can easily fool you into thinking she is complacent, but   when she comes out, she  is a whirling dervish of energy, and she  likes countryside.  She is in a treat when Mum will  begin taking  her to woods, but for now, we are more more or less confined to the  house's surroundings and plains.

When we visited her -  the  navigation to the house was a murder, I  will definitely badger my brother in showing  me  how to deal with GPS on my phone - I didn't expect we would take her home.  Certainly, I knew my Mum had her  heart  set on her,  so I   took her claims-  if  we will like each other  she will go with us today -  for  a hot air,  so when it happened, I was  very surprised, but   well,  it seems Mia chose us. She liked Mum  for her treats, and she practically skedaddled to me  to   greet me and get a belly rub. (She is in love  with belly rubbing -  it's  her  weak point, besides  right ear scratching).  It was   only  half an hour -  probably,  and  the next thing I knew was we were in  car, Mia  in the  back and   we were driving home. And I  have to admit, she did wonders for Mum's  temperament -  thanks for dogs,   for they cause Mum  changing from angry dragoness to a  sweet kitten, temper-wise.  Really.

So, I can look forward to the ten years  or more of  walks,  trials and errors  and so on and so forth. More, if  we  will be lucky, because  death, in the end, comes for us all.  But until she does, we will at least have fun.

And such is the beginning of the next doggy chapter in my life,  nicknamed 'Tornado Mia'.

PS: Have a new desk lamp  because the old one  died on me.  it also caused me to  clean the desk, and wow, is that a change now .../fascinated/. Seems my desk is  big enough for me to work, but  it's always like this, when you clear it.

PPS: Have a  date with Mia today to  tire her out. Wish me luck!

Eirenei

PPPS: Wow.  My brother  named her a 'second wii'.  That's as good as  acceptance... reluctant acceptance, but acceptance nonetheless... and he has kinder eyes.   Mia is apparently good for us.

PPPS: Currently I am  frustrated as hell.  My  walk with Mia was both good and disappointing -  good because  she marginally obeys my commands, but bad, because she   tries to lead,   loves chewing things and   she  got a fixation with moles.  /groans, face palming/.    She is not concentrated on me  as she should be -  sure, she obey commands, but  she doesn't take me seriously.  It is enough to make me mad!

Walking was a mixture of  success and failure -  success  because I got her to walk  beside me, and failure  when  she dragged me or  walked in front of me.   I  admit, I am mostly a doormat for  my family, but  hells bells, I don't have any intentions of  being  a dog's doormat!   She obeys when  I call her, but I have to trick her, like I am going somewhere. I don't know how to deal with mole-seeking of hers yet.  However, it's only a first  day and I  will get better... only having to  read and  gett o know her more.  And tire her more! /growls/  So, I will have a pow-wow with my  Mum to get  the  wheels rolling  so we  will teach her the same and whatnot.

Plugged In, Charging Fix

Well, today I was baffled  because my computer didn't want to display it  was charging, despite  of me actually charging the damn thing.  So I asked Uncle Google for an advice, and   lo and behold, it had some.

In short, there are some steps on  kickbacking  your lappy back in order.

So:

1 - Power down your laptop
2 - Disconnect the AC cord
3 -  Remove the battery
4 - Connect the AC cord
5-Power on the laptop
6 - Go to Control devices  - Device Manager -  Battery
7 -  In Battery Section uninstall everything  with AC -  don't worry  about installing it back,  becasue it's automatic.
8 -  Power down the laptop
9 - Disconnect the AC cord
10 - Place the battery back in its slot
11 - Connect the AC cord
12- Power on the laptop

When you look on the icon, it shows you are charging (Yay!).

Fo  anyone who wants more visual there is link  to see for yourself.

Happy charging!